yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
