Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
