Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
