I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
