Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
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