No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
