okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
