Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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