Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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