I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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