Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
