Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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