I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
