sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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