Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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