I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
worst night to have a conscience
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
