Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
