In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
