Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
