I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
