I showed him my bush... on skype.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
