thus making me awesome and them whores
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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