i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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