Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
