I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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