My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
