I wish I could punch you in the face.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
