how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
