Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
