You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
