So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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