drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
