im drinking this country out of the recession.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There's always time for handjobs
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
