I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
