a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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