If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
