She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
