I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
