You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
