Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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