Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
