can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you traded sex for a burrito?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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