i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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