she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just invented taco cereal.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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