Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
