So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
