I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
