Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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