The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
