I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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